Eurovision: Corruption at its finest, or....WTF, Finland!?

I'm sick today. I have a runny and stuffy nose, sore throat, and a hollow, heaving sort of cough. This means that you get a new post...see there's the silver lining. A week ago today, Eurovision mania began its countdown to insanity. For months now, Europe has been gearing up to see which country will win the coveted Song of the Year. As an American, I could care less. In fact, I'd never even heard of Eurovision before moving to Estonia. This year I decided to see how excited I could get in supporting Estonia with my friends in this contest. This is how the procedure works:

Sometime in late fall or winter, there is a country competition. International judges choose what song will best represent each country in the years Eurovision contest. Think of it like the qualifing heats for the Olympics...except that every country will be represented (well...not really; keep reading). Next, there are concerts and publicity for months. Out of nowhere, you go to a party and everyone knows all the words to the songs and drama behind each of the performers. Ok, then a week ago there was the semifinal competition. Twenty-three countries compete and the top ten are picked to appear in the final. You may be thinking, "but there are more than 23 countries in Europe". Well...the 10 lucky winners of the semifinal join The Big 4 (France, UK, Spain, and Germany), and the 9 top countries from the previous year (these 13 did not even have to go to the semifinals). Voters from around Europe then call in or SMS to vote for their favorites. Whoever recieves the most votes wins. Lets examine things a little more closely though:

1. The Big 4? These countries are notorious for how bad their entries are, France in particular. This year Germany had a country music theme, the UK tried their hand at rap, and I don't even remember what Spain did. They are, however, the biggest financial contributors; and lets face it, if audiences from these 4 places did not watch, ratings would plummet.
2. Israel and Turkey? Israel is not in Europe, and though Turkey is trying, I don't think they really are yet either... Though as a show of support from the European community, Turkey made it all the way to the finals with their platinum blonde amazon front-woman. Addmittedly, the song gets catchier every time you hear it. I'd be interested to see how Israel would fare in a MiddleEastvision song contest.
3. Where's Italy? Italy does not compete in Eurovision due to scandals and grudges from the past.
4. Serbia and Montenegro did not send a singer this year because the country could not agree on whether to send an entry from Serbia or Montenegro (who desperatley wants autonomy).
5. Voting-cest? Countries assign points 1-7, 8, 10, and 12 to their favorite countries. Realistically, point 1-7 don't make much difference. 8 points always goes to a neighbor, 10 goes to either another neighbor or to the country that had previously subjugated and occupied the voting country (Russia got a lot of 10 point assignments). 12 points is a toss up. It can either go to a neighbor state, or to Finland.

So how did it all end? Finland won with an overwhelming 292 points, followed by Russia who also broke 200 (see, the Cold War wasn't such a bust). I think third or fourth place went to The Former Yugolsavian Republic of Macedonia, but what kind of a country name is that? FYRM? And how did Estonia do? We didn't even make it to the finals. In fact, Estonia finished 18th out of the 23 countries in the semifinals.

In light of this travesty, lets see what went wrong. Below is the winning Finnish entry followed by the Estonian entry. Watch them each a couple of times so you can really appreciate the differences.

Finland


Estonia


Ok Estonia, here are a few things to think about for next years entry:
1. Definatley not enough pyrotechnics. If you're not constantly endagering the lives of your performers, you're setting too few things on fire.
2. Platform shoes are the key to a memorable frontman. Sandra, you're thigh-high white boots just don't cut this rug.
3. This is a two parter: A. You must have instruments. Bands are hot; they can just stand there and get away with it. Sandra...you can't. B. These instruments must also double as weapons. Intimidating the audience is a sure-fire way to get votes. Voting is a small price to pay to keep my soul from being harvested by demons and monsters.
4. Spontaneous appendage growth. The guy from Lordi has creepy demon wings growing from his back during the "build-up" portion preceeding the final choruses section. It would have been nice to see Sandra grow an extra head, or possibly a tail out of her enormous belt (belt is on loan from the Inspector Gadget estate)...she only aquired back-up dancers.
5. The magic gender ratio is 4 men to 1 creepy woman. Estonia had 5 women to 1 creepy man. Estonia, you got it backwards! But I have to ask both countries, "Where did you find these creepy token guys?" Estonia also had way to many Blondes. Mix it up, try adding some baldies or a mowhawk next time.
6. Finland, and this is why they deserved to win, was unique. Everyone knew Finland's group and song. It was completely memorable and exciting. I actually really like the Estonian entry and I think it deserved to get to at least the finals. Alas, there's always next year. Hopefully these tips will help get Estonia some points next year.

Below are links to some of my other favorite entries:

1.Belgium

2.Denmark

3.Russia

4.Romania

5.Sweden

Setumaa!!

I spent this past weekend (May 19-21) in Varska which is in S.E. Estonia, also known as Setumaa. This secondary name is applied, because the largest consentration of Estonian "Setu" people live there. The Setu culture actually spreads into Russia, and unfortunatley, due to border placement, the Setu region is split in half, thus alienating Estonian Setus from their cultural capital of Petchory. Varska has become a surrogate capital in these times. I was invited by my friend Helena, to accompany her, her boyfriend Olivar, and Olivar's sister Elika to their mother's house about 3km outside of Varska. It was truly a unique weekend. Below are some pictorial highlights as well as three really cool videos from the weekend.This is the house we slept in. The property consists of three buildings, forest and field. Olivar's mother slept in the main house (which is only one room), where we ate and socialized. During the course of our stay, I helped fell some trees, mow the lawn, ready a field for strawberry planting, and BBQ our dinner. We actually slept on the top floor of the house pictured above because the bottom floor is a sauna. I had my first "traditional" sauna experience. In Estonian culture, men and women usually suana seperatley, if they don't, some type of clothing is worn inside. Olivar and I shared the sauna this weekend. First, he heated the stones in an oven. We then poured water over them to create steam. The steam can get so hot that it scorches your skin. This process forces presperation and opens up the skins pores. We then "beat ourselves" with birch branches that Oliver made that day. This exfoliates the skin and increases blood circulation (this is not for whimps---a true test of manhood). Once we could not tolerate the heat any longer, we ran outside and jumped into the creek behind the house. The other side of the creek is Russia, so we actually illegaly crossed the border a few times :) Your body is so hot that steam actually comes off of it once you leave the cold creek. Just picture me an my skinny white rear running from the small door on the left side around the back and diving head first into water about 40F!!! We then returned to the sauna and repeated the process. After the first time, we shampoed and soaped, then rinsing with cooler water and drying off. Combined with a few beers, this is quite the experience! Afterwards I felt clean, sufficiently exfoliated, and VERY tired. I slept like an Estonian baby.
This picture is of one of the trees in our yard. The flowers and grounds were breathtaking.
The night of our BBQ, I at my first tree. Spring is the only time in Estonia where you can enjoy this delicacy. Olivar and his mom cut down a small Juniper tree and we cut the bark off. The underside is soft and wet, you can then slice pieces of pulp off and eat them. It tastes like Christmas. This is the only way to really describe it.
Olivar's mother also makes her own blankets, rugs, and towels on a traditional Setu loom. The previous summer, Helena, Elika helped set up this loom. It is one of the few left in S.E. Estonia of its kind. This, I believe, is a 4-layer loom. Olivar's grandmother is a giant in the Setu culture. One of a handful of women who can operate an 8-layer loom, and sing most every song still in the Setu cannon. It is unfortunate that when her time comes to pass on, much of this culture may be lost. Thankfully, research in Setu music and culture has increased in the last 50yrs, thus preserving and catalogueing texts, tunes, recipies, and other Setu artifacts. Regrettably, most of this research is only done by Estonians, and therefore hard for non-estonian speakers to access. This problem will last only a short time I am sure.This is the breast plate worn by Olivar's mother when she takes part in the Setu Choir performances (she wears normal clothes the rest of the day :) These breast plates are one of the most unique features of Setu Culture. The engravings and other specific features deliniate many things about the family, history, and culture of the individual that wears them. Trudee, an other American fulbrighter studies these as part of her research in Estonia (she knows much more than I do). Many times, older Setu women give their breast plates to younger unmarried women. In the videos, you will see other parts of the Setu Women's costume. Each piece has its own significance, from the head bands to the fringe around skirt accessories. Traditionally, unmarried women can show their hair, and then widowed women and married women cannot. Below are three short videos I took. The second one is sideways because i do not know how to operate my camera :P E-mail me or send me a message if you want to know more!

1. This is a typical song where the first singer introduces the verse, and the rest of the choir joins in for the refrain, a sort of call and response, though you may hear how some women will jump in sooner than others, thus it not being a true resposory. The harmony is largely modal, with three lines: main melody, a lower line, and a higher line (usually sung by just one woman).

2. This is an individual song, about a woman named Anna's trip to watch sheep in the field and how she became scared. The woman singing is Olivar's grandmother.

3. This is a song and dance comparing rich Setu (on the left side) to poor Setu (on the right side), and which it is better to be. The women (and the audience) have a lot of fun with this one.

Andrew's Angels

Last week (May 10-14), I traveled with my choir, Tallinna Kammerkoor, to "Mother Russia". Pictured above is my consort of merry men. Left to Right: Me, Mart (Baritone), Georg (Baritone), Gunnar (Bass), and Maxim (our host). We are gleefully perched on one of the highest points in Moscow, overlooking the city below. In front of us is one of the largest, and most reputable suvenier stands in all of the city. Here you can by CCCP (USSR) t-shirts, miniatures of St. Basil's Cathedral, old soviet junk, and nesting dolls featuring Bill Clinton, George W., and Osama Bin Ladin. My favorite is Bill Clinton, where inside there's Hillary, Monica, Paula, Gennifer, and then a Saxophone. The five of us had a hearty laugh over that one.

In Russia, the tradition goes that if there is not food left over after a meal, not enough was prepared. Needless to say, I felt like popping after every meal. Natasha, Maxim's wife, is a wonderful cook. We had about five hours between each banquet, there being about 4 a day. After awhile, I decided that I would eat only what was put on my plate...which was a lot. I had to try everything. Everything apparently goes really well with Vodka, Scotch, or Red Wine...not water. I slept like someone hit me over the head with a 2x4.

Amidst gluttonous eating, and general debauchery of all kinds, my choir actually sang twice. We did an ok job, but my favorite times were at the banquets after each concert. After a few rounds of whatever alcoholic beverage was envogue at the time, we started swapping songs between the choirs. I kept up for a few rounds, but then each choir switched to national tunes and hymns (they were practically performing my research). This usually lasted until the wee hours of the morning at which point we would drive back to our hosts and Natasha would cook us another meal. Below is my other favorite time: singing inside the Kremlin.

Our last day was absolutley beautiful. Fortunatley for us, this was the day we did most of our sightseeing and walking around. Some highlights are at the end of this posting. Enjoy! Let me know what you think. I can't wait to go back! Just in case the video doesn't work, here is a link to it: Tallinna Kammerkoor

No,... that's not a dead camel

The weather in Estonia is exceptionally nice at the moment. Because of this and rampant boredom, I decided to take a solitary excursion to the Tallinn Zoo (Loomaaed). I always take my camera to zoos, botanical gardens, and naturey things to satisfy my secret desire to work for National Geographic, perhaps capturing life at its most beautiful, raw, or (insert favorite adjective here) time. Just today I finally got around to looking through my pictures from this trip. Given my special affinity towards animals with humps (see previous blog Love at Last), I was shocked and deeply disturbed to find the above image among my files...is that one dead?! Continuing to scroll through my pictures, however, I discovered that I had apparently visited the zoo during nap-time, observe:

1. sleeping pig-thing














2. Sleeping Tiger


















3. As I remember, went to sleep shortly after I took it's picture (polar bear)4. Sleeping Birds...doesn't look like they would be flying off anywhere anyhow.
These American eagles bring me to the next hallmark of my zoo adventure. Aside from the occasional species from the Caucuses (very interesting in a...here's another beast of burden sort of way), you can also see the rare and exotic animals from the Western Hemisphere. Now, don't get too excited. Many of you have probably never seen these outside of captivity and nature documentaries. Behold!:

1. The fox2. A WolfNevertheless, my zoo journey prooved to be a welcome break from my laregly glutonous and slovenly schedule. So to you Eesti Loomaaed, I say "Bravo!" Thanks for the three hours of sun saturated flora and fauna from the far reaches of the globe. Not only did you make me feel closer to home, but the nap I took on the bus home afterwards was especially refreshing and inspired.